Ok, so I haven't been on here in forever....but I have been sorta kinda really stressed about everything that has been going on in my life....and I thought it good that I just needed some time you know? There is no sense in having eight million blog posts about how upset and sad I am, so, I waited it out. And guess what?? It isn't bad anymore. But a good portion of the reason being that I have the most amazing man in the whole wide world and he just sits and listens and waits for me to finish my toddler like tantrum and all of my emotional BS and then he asks "are you done" and I say "yes" and he says "well good. how do you feel now" and I say "much better" and he says "that is brilliant. I love you baby" see???? how could you NOT love this man???
Any how, I was reading a glamour magazine and I came across this "why you should date older men" article, and I am sharing it because I could NOT agree with this woman more!!!! here it is:
"When I first started dating Alex, I assumed he was my age. He had a baby face, wore jeans with Converse shoes and knew every lyric by The Shins. But during our fifth date, over burgers and beers, he asked sheepishly, “Do you know how old I am?” It turns out he was 41, a whopping 13 years older than me.
My eyes popped that night, but four years later, I’ve realized that this potential deal breaker is actually the biggest blessing of our relationship.
At a basic level, an older man never gets boring. After four decades of life, Alex is a walking encyclopedia. With past boyfriends my age, I knew all of their stories by month three. But Alex always has anecdotes (and bedtime tales) I haven’t heard; plus, he has answers to all my questions, from job advice to how to cook an egg. Older guys already know how to change a tire and give a good back rub. And I can’t think of anything sexier than that James Bond-like knowledge.
But it’s what he doesn’t say that I count as the real blessing. You know those days when you’re cranky and wanting to pick a fight? (For me, that was my entire eighth month of pregnancy.) Alex never takes the bait. He made that mistake with past girlfriends, he tells me, when he was younger and hotheaded. Now he’s mature enough to sit back, keep mum and ride it out.
But perhaps the biggest reason I like dating an older man is the way it makes me feel. No matter how wrinkled I get, I’ll always be 13 years his junior. When he’s 83, I’ll be a wizened 70. But in Alex’s eyes, I’ll still be his hot young wife."
Now the article did have the opposite too, "why you should date younger men" but that didn't relate to me, at all. But I thought this was just plain brilliant and RIGHT on the nose. I mean, aside from his name being Alex and not Daniel, is sounds sooooooooo much like My Daniel :}
fhdhgjdhafghdjahgjkdhagklhdjhga, so, I still miss my daddy...but I got to talk to him today, so it made my sun shine a little brighter and I needed that today. AND I feel really sad too, my cousins granddaddy died last night and he just had his first day of basic training yesterday and can't come home :( just makes me appreciate my family and all they do for us. :-*
So, I am gonna go now...perhaps there will be another sunshine and cuddly hugs post later too ;)
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
realizations
You know...it is a melancholy feeling you get when you realize that after you have fallen asleep and woken up, everything that happened was all a dream. I look over to find my two precious children laying in the bed, not in particularly comfortable positions either, and I think to myself, "These girls have it so easy...the only thing they really worry about is whether or not I am happy" All these times I keep saying 'I can't wait until they get older' but right now, I am ashamed of myself for even wanting them to enter the real world. Lilli says "Mommy, I hope I never fall in love...it just seems like a lot of waiting, and heartbreak to me. Why would anyone do that!" and I know she is just a little girl, but really, she is right. Love is wonderful too, but sometimes we do just wait. and we wait and we wait and we wait and before too long we realize, 'what on earth and I waiting for??' And I guess I am thinking about this because lately my whole world is all about waiting for things to happen that are completely beyond my control...but how do you let that go? How do you stop yourself from trying to control it?? Why can't it 'just be'?? I guess it is human nature to demand that things go are way and then whine when they don't. But it isn't really a feeling of things not going my way that I feel right now, more like an endless waiting. For what, I am not sure.
And I have to say, that anybody who ever chose to do the single parent thing, I mean CHOSE, not doing it because circumstance dictated it, but actually chose to do it...is out of their ever loving mind. It is hard. It is lonely. The gratification is not instant and sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is not there....which brings me full circle. "I can't wait until they are grown and not so dependent" but I don't really want that. I feel like I need to be taking care of them...because in turn they take care of me...so logically, when they no longer depend on me...will they still want me? And the answer the therapists give you is "yes, you are their mother, and a fine one" but really, when they start leading their own lives, they are no longer dependent on anything from me...maybe support and encouragement. I now know why my father spent so much time with me as an adult..he must have been feeling this feeling I am so afraid of feeling one day. No sense of self. without my children...who do I have, who am I?? you know the whole "if you love something set it free. If it comes back it was and always will be yours....." but then you get the "if it just sits in your living room, eating your food, messing up your stuff, and using your phone while taking all of your money and never actually behaves like you set it free in the first place.....you either married it or gave birth to it" lol.
arrggg...first the psychotic blog, and now the deep in intellectual conversation blog....well....it won't happen again ;)
Facebook rant??? well Lauren, I am ranting about something that bothers you. Why do moms feel it necessary to alert the ENTIRE world as to the bowel habits of their young children??? Do I look like I want to know how many times they pooped or how many skittles you gave them???? did I ask??? no, therefore keep that info to yourself.
Tony Dinozzo....I am feeling you tonight my man.
"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten" amen to that.
So...wanna know who the prettiest woman in the ENTIRE world is??? huh huhuhhuh do ya?? well....the answer is below;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31v6drN99N0
I mean, that says it all. Right there. Sheer perfection.
ok..well...I haven't slept in days and it is doubtful that I will be doing a great job of it tonight...but I am gonna try. Maybe some bubble bath and hot tea will help :-*
oíche mhaith mo mhúirnín bán
I need a bigger gun
SO...what happens when you get angry at your ex, drink too much, and then violate a restraining order????? You get to spend the next 24 hours in jail. The downside....the person with the restraining order doesn't sleep for the next week. AND to top it off, the dishwasher is broken and time is spent not playing with your children, but instead, fixing a floor. And lots of yelling and cursing and crying. And it is that time of the month. God I hate weekends with a passion of a thousand burning suns. If ever there was a time to just say screw it all and run away to someplace where nobody even knows who you are, this would be it.
I promise the next session will be all cuddles and hugs and sunshine.
I promise the next session will be all cuddles and hugs and sunshine.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
no hablo ingles
No Hablo Ingles.
It is spanish for "I don't speak English" and happens to be the best excuse for getting out of everything and anything.
So, filling out job applications in the south......I am not desperate for a job, I have good work, and it allows me to stay home with Gwendolyn, but I have been looking for something that actually uses my education and maybe has the opportunity for some sort of advancement. Ok, so back to the rant. I was CALLED by a few banks and a few Lab Corp groups, and out of the 6 companies/banks that wanted an interview with me, 4 require me to BE BILINGUAL!! Now, I ask you this. In the relatively redneck city of Danielsville GA, who the crap requires that I NEED to speak Spanish, AND when you call ME and ask if I would come in for an interview and then TELL me I need to speak Spanish???? I didn't call you, I didn't apply first....arrggggggg! >growl< it makes me so frustrated!
In other news: Tony DiNozzo
DiNozzo: We got nothing.
Tobias: I don't like the sound of that.
DiNozzo: [way more enthusiastically] WE GOT NOTHIN'!
there is the injected sarcasm I love soooooo much. Oh Tony....how we love you.
yes....this describes my mood perfectly <3
This one however is way yummier to look at. AND he has a gun....quick, be still my beating heart ;) all he is missing is a really sexy English accent..........
Facebook rant???? anybody?? Nobody??? ok, well then I will go. Teen Mom. I hate that show with a passion of a thousand burning suns...and I hate that people have to have 5 million status updates about the stupid show. I have to hide you. I can't read your status without wanting to gibbs slap you. I mean it. I don't care, and I can name about 55 other people who don't care either. There is nothing interesting about a bunch of 14-16 year old girls who have unprotected sex, get pregnant and have their own tv show simply because they can't take care of themselves much less innocent children. these girls should not be allowed to have those children. I know that is extreme, but come on!!! We are only encouraging teenage girls to have babies!!!!! it isn't cool. It is hard! it is not a gratifying job, well, it isn't when it isn't done right. I am a single mother, I can tell you at 26, it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. that show is horrid. I would let my daughter watch skinwalkers alone, before I would let her watch that show. And no, I do not let them watch skinwalkers. just in case you were curious.
I miss my family. My brother, my father, my fiance.....I need you guys. >sigh< okay, that was my melancholy moment. I am done.
My cracked time??? this one is great, if only because I grew up with the ninja turtle....I have a brother who spent about 3 years of his young young life thinking he WAS a ninja turtle...oh good times
http://www.cracked.com/article_18906_7-shockingly-dark-origins-lovable-childrens-characters.html?wa_user1=2&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended
and after reading this, it brings me back to the fairy tale concept. It is a really good thing that kids don't learn the real stories or the the behind the story stuff until they have children of their own. seriously....
It is spanish for "I don't speak English" and happens to be the best excuse for getting out of everything and anything.
So, filling out job applications in the south......I am not desperate for a job, I have good work, and it allows me to stay home with Gwendolyn, but I have been looking for something that actually uses my education and maybe has the opportunity for some sort of advancement. Ok, so back to the rant. I was CALLED by a few banks and a few Lab Corp groups, and out of the 6 companies/banks that wanted an interview with me, 4 require me to BE BILINGUAL!! Now, I ask you this. In the relatively redneck city of Danielsville GA, who the crap requires that I NEED to speak Spanish, AND when you call ME and ask if I would come in for an interview and then TELL me I need to speak Spanish???? I didn't call you, I didn't apply first....arrggggggg! >growl< it makes me so frustrated!
In other news: Tony DiNozzo
DiNozzo: We got nothing.
Tobias: I don't like the sound of that.
DiNozzo: [way more enthusiastically] WE GOT NOTHIN'!
there is the injected sarcasm I love soooooo much. Oh Tony....how we love you.
yes....this describes my mood perfectly <3
This one however is way yummier to look at. AND he has a gun....quick, be still my beating heart ;) all he is missing is a really sexy English accent..........
Facebook rant???? anybody?? Nobody??? ok, well then I will go. Teen Mom. I hate that show with a passion of a thousand burning suns...and I hate that people have to have 5 million status updates about the stupid show. I have to hide you. I can't read your status without wanting to gibbs slap you. I mean it. I don't care, and I can name about 55 other people who don't care either. There is nothing interesting about a bunch of 14-16 year old girls who have unprotected sex, get pregnant and have their own tv show simply because they can't take care of themselves much less innocent children. these girls should not be allowed to have those children. I know that is extreme, but come on!!! We are only encouraging teenage girls to have babies!!!!! it isn't cool. It is hard! it is not a gratifying job, well, it isn't when it isn't done right. I am a single mother, I can tell you at 26, it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. that show is horrid. I would let my daughter watch skinwalkers alone, before I would let her watch that show. And no, I do not let them watch skinwalkers. just in case you were curious.
I miss my family. My brother, my father, my fiance.....I need you guys. >sigh< okay, that was my melancholy moment. I am done.
My cracked time??? this one is great, if only because I grew up with the ninja turtle....I have a brother who spent about 3 years of his young young life thinking he WAS a ninja turtle...oh good times
http://www.cracked.com/article_18906_7-shockingly-dark-origins-lovable-childrens-characters.html?wa_user1=2&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended
and after reading this, it brings me back to the fairy tale concept. It is a really good thing that kids don't learn the real stories or the the behind the story stuff until they have children of their own. seriously....
Sunday, February 27, 2011
superpowers??? umm...yes please
Ok, so I was watching Fantastic 4, and aside form Jessica Alba being all hot and Ioan Gruffodd being extremely hot....I got to thinking about it. I would really love to have some super powers. Like, maybe not any of theirs, I wouldn't mind the whole invisibility/force field thing....I would want powers more like Jean Grey...you know Pheonix from X-men. Those are the powers I want. AND she is a red head. I mean, come on, is that not like the most perfect combo ever??? I could totally go for that!
and while we are on that, read this, it is great!!
http://www.cracked.com/article_19037_7-movies-that-ignored-world-changing-discoveries.html?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fanpage&utm_campaign=new+article
It makes complete and total sense!! The transformers one is my favorite, so pay extra special close attention to that one ;)
But in the film, nobody ever mentions the fact that the Decepticons now have access to Terminators, except for an offhand remark by LaBeouf that she tasted like diesel. And though LaBeouf seems willing to trust everyone he sees (including his college roommate, and an actual retired Decepticon) to help him in his quest, the bad guys never see the benefit in perhaps dropping another fake human or two into his merry band of adventurers.
Instead, the giant robots just go straight back to punching each other, and Megatron gets his shit wrecked when the humans bring Optimus Prime to the fight. Good work, buddy -- maybe this is why Starscream keeps trying to steal your job."
I really really really wish I could be that clever.
and while we are on that, read this, it is great!!
http://www.cracked.com/article_19037_7-movies-that-ignored-world-changing-discoveries.html?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fanpage&utm_campaign=new+article
It makes complete and total sense!! The transformers one is my favorite, so pay extra special close attention to that one ;)
But in the film, nobody ever mentions the fact that the Decepticons now have access to Terminators, except for an offhand remark by LaBeouf that she tasted like diesel. And though LaBeouf seems willing to trust everyone he sees (including his college roommate, and an actual retired Decepticon) to help him in his quest, the bad guys never see the benefit in perhaps dropping another fake human or two into his merry band of adventurers.
Instead, the giant robots just go straight back to punching each other, and Megatron gets his shit wrecked when the humans bring Optimus Prime to the fight. Good work, buddy -- maybe this is why Starscream keeps trying to steal your job."
I really really really wish I could be that clever.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
do dah...do dah..jenni's got insomnia...all the do dah day...
Welllllllllllll...so this is like day number 1,345,623,245 that I have had insomnia. I just want Daniel back...like today. like now... >sigh< well, I guess patience is something I am going to have to learn. I am NOT very good at this patience thing. it sucks. that is all there is to it.
So, Lauren, I have totally decided I am for real going to write a book.....something paranormal..with a dishwater blond and a not-so-red redhead. I have read a dozen books in the last week...and NOT a ONE has an attractive sounding girl with normal hair. >sigh< and especially the paranormal books....what is so wrong with normal hair. why does it always have to be "Wheat colored hair, so heavy in curls it reached her hips." or "Glossy jet black hair, the color of gunmetal and so soft it begged touching" or "Fire red hair, to go with her feisty nature, Her hair was so healthy and so full, you had to have your hands in it" grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...it is lame. For once I actually want to be that exotic beauty. To have somebody you love be so enthralled....why the books can't have girls with normal hair more often.
I have to have a facebook rant now. Because I can't stand it anymore. I am only going to say only one thing..and only once. Why do people (mainly older people) insist that I apologize for being me?? If you don't like it, there is this really wonderful little button there on Face Book...it is called Delete. And this is where Tony DiNozzo comes into my blog...
"Ziva: Apologize. Tony: What for? Ziva: For being you. Tony: Sweetheart, if I had a dollar for every time I did that, I'd be loaded."
and that is that. I am adopting more of a DiNozzo approach to life lol.
I am again very much impressed with what people ask me to make for them.....here is a picture of the latest dress I was asked to make...for a wedding.
yes....that would be a patchwork quilt wedding gown. I am not certain what I think about it.
ok....I am going to try this sleep thing again. We shall see. :-*
""Nos da fy siwgrau""
....yeah, so a goodnight smooch to yo all lol
So, Lauren, I have totally decided I am for real going to write a book.....something paranormal..with a dishwater blond and a not-so-red redhead. I have read a dozen books in the last week...and NOT a ONE has an attractive sounding girl with normal hair. >sigh< and especially the paranormal books....what is so wrong with normal hair. why does it always have to be "Wheat colored hair, so heavy in curls it reached her hips." or "Glossy jet black hair, the color of gunmetal and so soft it begged touching" or "Fire red hair, to go with her feisty nature, Her hair was so healthy and so full, you had to have your hands in it" grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...it is lame. For once I actually want to be that exotic beauty. To have somebody you love be so enthralled....why the books can't have girls with normal hair more often.
I have to have a facebook rant now. Because I can't stand it anymore. I am only going to say only one thing..and only once. Why do people (mainly older people) insist that I apologize for being me?? If you don't like it, there is this really wonderful little button there on Face Book...it is called Delete. And this is where Tony DiNozzo comes into my blog...
"Ziva: Apologize. Tony: What for? Ziva: For being you. Tony: Sweetheart, if I had a dollar for every time I did that, I'd be loaded."
and that is that. I am adopting more of a DiNozzo approach to life lol.
I am again very much impressed with what people ask me to make for them.....here is a picture of the latest dress I was asked to make...for a wedding.
yes....that would be a patchwork quilt wedding gown. I am not certain what I think about it.
ok....I am going to try this sleep thing again. We shall see. :-*
""Nos da fy siwgrau""
Thursday, February 24, 2011
2 words" Anthony DiNozzo
I can't sleep. Yet again. I am find it impossible. shhhhh, don't tell anyone. I just can't manage to keep my eyes closed for more than about 2 hours before I am waking up and staring at the ceiling for an hour. I got up, decided I had enough of the bed, moved to the couch...and stared at a different ceiling for 25 minutes. So, I sewed. Finished that....and then cleaned my sewing machine....The doc suggested I have a drink before bed...but I swear all of the sugar in it just hypes me up. It is supposed to calm the nerves, I think it doesn't work on me. I guess if actual meds don't have the desired affect, than alcohol won't either. >sigh< I feel like I need to get out of my body. lol. I know, stupid thing to say, but I feel like my skin is too tight and I am going to go crazy. I need a better outlet.
And my skin is KILLING me. Had a moment today in the pet store. There was this adorable little rubber elephant that when you squeezed the belly the trunk blew out and it made a trumpet noise. I was enthralled by the silly little thing for like 5 minutes. Mama then tells me it is latex, and literally at that moment everywhere my hand had touched started to burn. One shot later of epinephrine and about an ounce of hydrocortisone cream later, I am feeling better, but the skin feels so tight I can hardly stand it.
"Tony DiNozzo: (in an "anchorman" voice) In a tragic story of obsessive hobbying turned deadly, an NCIS Agent was discovered in his basement crushed between a large, homemade boat and an even larger bottle of bourbon. Film at eleven!"
This has been my day. well.....not exactly a boat and bourbon....more like a sewing machine and...rum. lol
I am going to start something new. I have found myself able to (lately) quote Tony for every real life every day matter. So, a post a day is going to have a wonderful quote from Mr. Perfect. ...and just so everybody is on the same page...look below;
AND just to add, I think I have a slight addiction. Like one has to cigarettes, or beer....I feel edgy, or nervous, or anxious if I don't get at least an hour of this man everyday. So, for your viewing pleasure, here he is :}
Soooooo...book quote of the evening?? I am reading J.R.Ward's Lover Eternal....brilliant I might add....and the quote is this;
"Even to a certified hetero, the son of a bitch actually bent the laws of physics, he was so attractive. Blond hair was cut short in the back and left longer in the front. Teal-blue eyes were the color of Bahamas seawater. And the face made Brad Pitt look like a candidate for The Swan"
don't ask me why that caught my attention, I just love the quote. I don't particularly picture people when I read books....I know, it is weird, but I don't. I just like the 'bent the laws of physics he was so attractive' lol
and lastly....because I am gonna try and take a nap, song on the playlist at the moment?? Mamas and the Papas...Dream a little Dream <3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLkCzeeR91c
And my skin is KILLING me. Had a moment today in the pet store. There was this adorable little rubber elephant that when you squeezed the belly the trunk blew out and it made a trumpet noise. I was enthralled by the silly little thing for like 5 minutes. Mama then tells me it is latex, and literally at that moment everywhere my hand had touched started to burn. One shot later of epinephrine and about an ounce of hydrocortisone cream later, I am feeling better, but the skin feels so tight I can hardly stand it.
"Tony DiNozzo: (in an "anchorman" voice) In a tragic story of obsessive hobbying turned deadly, an NCIS Agent was discovered in his basement crushed between a large, homemade boat and an even larger bottle of bourbon. Film at eleven!"
This has been my day. well.....not exactly a boat and bourbon....more like a sewing machine and...rum. lol
I am going to start something new. I have found myself able to (lately) quote Tony for every real life every day matter. So, a post a day is going to have a wonderful quote from Mr. Perfect. ...and just so everybody is on the same page...look below;
AND just to add, I think I have a slight addiction. Like one has to cigarettes, or beer....I feel edgy, or nervous, or anxious if I don't get at least an hour of this man everyday. So, for your viewing pleasure, here he is :}
Soooooo...book quote of the evening?? I am reading J.R.Ward's Lover Eternal....brilliant I might add....and the quote is this;
"Even to a certified hetero, the son of a bitch actually bent the laws of physics, he was so attractive. Blond hair was cut short in the back and left longer in the front. Teal-blue eyes were the color of Bahamas seawater. And the face made Brad Pitt look like a candidate for The Swan"
don't ask me why that caught my attention, I just love the quote. I don't particularly picture people when I read books....I know, it is weird, but I don't. I just like the 'bent the laws of physics he was so attractive' lol
and lastly....because I am gonna try and take a nap, song on the playlist at the moment?? Mamas and the Papas...Dream a little Dream <3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLkCzeeR91c
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