I am aware of my weight...thank you very much

"ummm...do you have a problem eating??"  me: "excuse me??"  "I said, do you have an eating disorder??"  me: "did you just ask me if I had an eating disorder??"  "I am sorry honey, you just look so thin" me:" hmmm, well you look fat"  "excuse me???"  me"yeah, it isn't nice is it" 

ok, you read that right.  I actually responded with "hmm, well, you look fat"  a low point that I am not proud of.  but really??  you really said I looked like I had an eating disorder.  grrrr.  people really say that out loud anymore?????  You don't just go up to somebody and ask if they have issues eating.  I hope she gets food poisoning.  I mean, it isn't like I looked like this:

ewww.  times 800. 

I am awake...all because of some stupid dream.  Which in turn led to me getting slightly jealous.  This jealousy is completely unfounded and very unnatural for me.  It is actually complete and total made up jealousy.  The sort that makes you feel really stupid...but still jealous.  And it was either blog or make a total idiot of myself.  I chose the lesser of two evils TRUST me.  Me making an idiot out of myself usually takes at least 5 months to get over.
On a totally different note...I don't care how hot Matthew McConaughey may think he looks, he has two really horrible issues.  First one....the man doesn't believe in deodorant.  seriously...he waxes his chest, and runs miles everyday and refuses to wear bloody antiperspirant.  There is not enough alcohol or money on this planet to make me fake desire for a man who is smoother than I am, and stinks like old gym socks.  >gag<  Second, the man went bald for Reign of Fire.  never, under any circumstances (omitting any type of tragic medical illness) is it okay to go bald and act like Matthew McConaughey on Reign of Fire.  The only, and I mean ONLY thing that was wonderful about that movie was that Christian Bale looks smokin' hot.
  see what I mean...barf bag at the ready.

side bar....I am totally into "How I Met Your Mother"  just thought you guys should know that.  It is a train wreck and I have found myself sucked into it.  However, that does not take away from my devotion to the DiNozzo.  I feel the need to clarify...just in case there is any doubt about where my loyalties are.  Point made, moving on....
SOooooooooo....I tried dying my hair brown.  Literally....color would not take.  It completely washed out in the shower, and the only thing accomplished was the absolute wonderful sinfully delicious silkiness that the conditioner in the dye left my hair.  I would sniff my hair. 

gross word of the day:  "Moist"  mercy, I hate that word.  I mean, who says moist??  >shudder< 
I have nothing to do for the next 10 days.  And here is why: I got overzealous and finished a publication that I set out to do in 2 weeks...I finished it in 48 hours.  And now I won't be up for another project until the 2nd.  :/  I guess I could look at this as a vacation...but you don't know me very well if you think I am going to relax.  My body hasn't relaxed since I have a friggin' spinal block when I was knocked out to have a baby c-sectioned out of me.  So, I am going to finish projects that I told people would be done by Christmas.  Now, before you call me ambitious, I should tell you that I mean Christmas...of 2010.  >sigh< 


I do not have a dinozzo quote of the night...I do however leave you with a picture...that says it all  :}

yes...I know.  good morning. 

I must tell you, ladies of the swannery, that I am grateful to you both.  You know why, and I am leaving it at that. 
Soooooo...Englishman...I need you to come home.  ASAP.  and to get completely and totally mushy and very very girly, I have this song stuck in my head:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFtx54oRkBo

I miss my daddy too.  like more than I did when I was a kid.  You think about the times in your life when you need your daddy....and I never imagined as an adult I would feel like I did when I was 8 and he said he was going to miss my birthday.  I know I shouldn't...well, feel this bad about it...but I am the equivalent of an emotionally disturbed toddler and I sometimes just plain can't control myself.  I think some of it is the fact that I have spring break coming up...and the girls 'dna donor' has them for 5 whole days.  nothing I could do about vacation time, so I am super bummed.  And lately...it just seems like when I need somebody the most, it is during the time they are gone and I feel like the universe is trying to teach me to swim by throwing me into the freakin' ocean and yelling at me to tread water or drown...and I just am not that strong yet.  So yes...I miss my daddy...and my fiance...and my brother.  Anywho...emo rant over...back to something about sunshine and roses and feel good stuff  :}
I made the best scones yesterday...they were brilliant and I actually patted myself on the back and brought one to my grandmother who said, upon eating one of them, "where on earth did you buy these???"  that is right...i impressed the original betty crocker.  and it felt wonderfully satisfying  ;)
ugh.  getting glasses next week...like the kind that you wear all the time.  lol.  oh well...anything to make the headaches better.  plus...I wanna learn a new language and I want to finish learning Gaelic.  it would help if I could read what I needed to without getting blindsided by a migraine.   
ok...off to try this little thing the body likes to do sometimes whether I am prepared or not.  Sleep..apparently it is good for the body, or so I am told anyway  ;) 

house guests, and missing my man

So, long time no speak again...I promise I will be better at this!!  Funny thing is, I have sooooooooo much to say, I am just horrible at the whole follow through thing  :D
So, my house guests moved in...and really, other than the girls stuff being in my room, it isn't that much different.  I mean, they are great house guests!  my house is little bitty, but it sort of works.  Gwendolyn LOVES the fact that there is an unborn baby here.  She is constantly touching Jessica's belly and asking where the baby (Markus) is and when will he get here.  It is the cutest thing ever. 
Ok, on another note, one that is tearing me apart.  I now know (well...to some extent) how Daniel must have felt when I was going through the cancer treatments and blood tests and all the worry that you have for someone you can't hold, or touch or smell...my poor baby is having some issues, and I really hope it isn't like an appendicitis...but he has been in SO much pain over the last few days and on really nice pain medication...and finally he is at the doctors today, and I am worried sick.  We have been together for over a year now, and through it all we have only gone 2 nights not talking to each other, and I haven't heard from him in a few days...well, I mean we chat and stuff, but hearing his voice...I really really really hope he is okay.  I don't like the feeling of not having him here with me to worry over...it makes me ill.  I can't imagine what he was going through and never even mentioned to me when I was sick.  if it is anything like this.....oh my cow, how he did this day after day, week after week...I would have caved.  He is the most special man in the whole world.  
ok...before I lose it completely....onto another subject yeah?? yeah.  good idea.

So Jessica (my friend who now lives with me while her hubby is in basic) is a vet tech, and well this lady came in yesterday with this baby squirrel, brand new little thing, and the rescue people couldn't get him until today, so she brought it home last night...he was so freaking cute!!

how freakin cute is he???????!!!!    sweetie pie that he is. 


So I watched the movie The Social Network...it wasn't bad.  AND I have had an off and on again migraine for the last few days....I am ready to pull my hair out.  grrrr.......

DiNozzo anyone???  umm, yes please.  now.   ;)
""(Gibbs walks into the squad room)
Gibbs: Come on, grab your gear. Don't wanna miss the school bus.
Tony: Class trip, boss?
Gibbs: Got a dead petty officer in a high school stairwell. Janitor found him this morning.
Tony: Hmm. (Starts singing) Wheels on the bus go...
Gibbs: (Gibbs joins in) ...round and round, round and round, round and round...""
I don't know why this one appealed to me, I just can't get it out of my head....and find myself everytime I am in the car lately or anytime I see the school bus, this pops into my mind.  lol, now everyone can share it  :}

I did say sunshine :}

So, I had said in a comment from the last blog, that I have been "doing some things that needed doing and losing some friends that needed losing"  and that was sort of an understatement.  I have a new roommate.  One of my really really good friends husband is leaving for basic training in a little over a week, and she is 7 months pregnant....and she was going to be living with his family until he was done and they got stationed somewhere...well that didn't work out for loads of personal reasons and after the largest war since WWII, she was basically felt kicked out.  Me of course lost every ounce of cool I had in me and went native "Amazon Queen Jenni, hear me roar" on every single on of them...and offered her a room in my house.  My house is not very big, so needless to say that the girls will be bunking with me for a few months, and she will get their room until she joins her hubby at his first station.  The part that riles me up??  She is seven months pregnant, and she got treated like absolute crap by people who claim to love her, and she ends up going into preterm labor and is now on restriction because she is having issues..  grrrr, I am not kidding when I said I lost my cool.  They all hate me, but for once in my life, I actually don't care.  Again, I owe a great deal of the 'cool' I have back now to Daniel...because he just plain makes sense to me.  He sees things that I don't...and he has this brilliant way of explaining them to me when I ask his advice.  AND he does it all while sounding incredibly English and very sexy  ;)

Sooooo...Lauren, I found the link, and here it is   http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2011/03/older-men-versus-younger-men-who-should-you-date    and you are right, this actually does apply to you  :}  minus the baby bit, seeing as how you guys aren't there yet  ;)  It is funny just how different two people can be...you and me I mean.  But I think it comes down to finding somebody who loves you dearly and them just making your life so much better. 

Ok, I told Daniel I wanted to live in a hobbit house.  That is not weird by the way.  lol.  It is a completely sane idea, and here is why:  They are beautiful!!  hahaha, that isn't the only reason, but how cool would it be to live in a house that is sooooo full of character and overflowing with beautiful elements?? 

ok, so it may be a little weird, but I find it a wonderful idea!!!!   Ok, here is a pic that isn't so hobbitish, and closer to what i want,

I find this beautiful.  all the rocks and such....it is just plain pretty to me.  I bet Daniel is getting worried though, now, with coming over here and me making him build me a hobbit house  ;)  they are rather English looking though, so he should feel right at home  :-*

AND we come to the best part of the evening...DiNozzo   >insert practiced sigh here< 
Tony: (In response to the guard asking how many trucks they had) Well you have already met Widow Woman (Ziva) and Spider Mike (McGee) here, Rubber Ducky (Ducky) makes it a great big convoy. Park it right there Love Machine (Palmer). We are going to be rocking through the night here Smokey (Guard).
Gibbs: DiNozzo, would rather not.
Tony: East bound and down Snowman (Gibbs) Bandit (Tony) out.


And that is why we love that man.  Because no matter when you are watching, there is guaranteed to be at least 30 minutes of jam-packed DiNozzo-ness.  

A picture for you??  How about this lovely one I found a few weeks back;

this is ....just.so.me.  In every single way.

I have been a bit disappointed with Cracked.  Nothing new and exciting and worth the read lately...until I came across this:  http://www.cracked.com/article_18956_5-scientific-reasons-dark-side-will-always-win.html?wa_user1=4&wa_user2=Movies+%26+TV&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended 
for somebody (me) who has never seen starwars ...well, the parts with Harrison Ford I have, but other than that, yeah..no.  So back on topic, for somebody who has never seen starwars, I LOVE how science proves that the darkside will always win.  It absolutely has nothing to do with The darkside's low moral standings and desire to kill everything.  I mean, that has no bearing what so ever.

I know...forever and a day

Ok, so I haven't been on here in forever....but I have been sorta kinda really stressed about everything that has been going on in my life....and I thought it good that I just needed some time you know?  There is no sense in having eight million blog posts about how upset and sad I am, so, I waited it out.  And guess what??  It isn't bad anymore.  But a good portion of the reason being that I have the most amazing man in the whole wide world and he just sits and listens and waits for me to finish my toddler like tantrum and all of my emotional BS and then he asks "are you done"  and I say "yes" and he says "well good.  how do you feel now"  and I say "much better" and he says "that is brilliant.  I love you baby"   see????  how could you NOT love this man???  
Any how, I was reading a glamour magazine and I came across this "why you should date older men" article, and I am sharing it because I could NOT agree with this woman more!!!!  here it is:

"When I first started dating Alex, I assumed he was my age. He had a baby face, wore jeans with Converse shoes and knew every lyric by The Shins. But during our fifth date, over burgers and beers, he asked sheepishly, “Do you know how old I am?” It turns out he was 41, a whopping 13 years older than me.
My eyes popped that night, but four years later, I’ve realized that this potential deal breaker is actually the biggest blessing of our relationship.
At a basic level, an older man never gets boring. After four decades of life, Alex is a walking encyclopedia. With past boyfriends my age, I knew all of their stories by month three. But Alex always has anecdotes (and bedtime tales) I haven’t heard; plus, he has answers to all my questions, from job advice to how to cook an egg. Older guys already know how to change a tire and give a good back rub. And I can’t think of anything sexier than that James Bond-like knowledge.
But it’s what he doesn’t say that I count as the real blessing. You know those days when you’re cranky and wanting to pick a fight? (For me, that was my entire eighth month of pregnancy.) Alex never takes the bait. He made that mistake with past girlfriends, he tells me, when he was younger and hotheaded. Now he’s mature enough to sit back, keep mum and ride it out.
But perhaps the biggest reason I like dating an older man is the way it makes me feel. No matter how wrinkled I get, I’ll always be 13 years his junior. When he’s 83, I’ll be a wizened 70. But in Alex’s eyes, I’ll still be his hot young wife."

Now the article did have the opposite too, "why you should date younger men"  but that didn't relate to me, at all.  But I thought this was just plain brilliant and RIGHT on the nose.  I mean, aside from his name being Alex and not Daniel, is sounds sooooooooo much like My Daniel  :}

fhdhgjdhafghdjahgjkdhagklhdjhga, so, I still miss my daddy...but I got to talk to him today, so it made my sun shine a little brighter and I needed that today.  AND I feel really sad too, my cousins granddaddy died last night and he just had his first day of basic training yesterday and can't come home  :(   just makes me appreciate my family and all they do for us.  :-*

So, I am gonna go now...perhaps there will be another sunshine and cuddly hugs post later too  ;)

realizations

You know...it is a melancholy feeling you get when you realize that after you have fallen asleep and woken up, everything that happened was all a dream.  I look over to find my two precious children laying in the bed, not in particularly comfortable positions either, and I think to myself, "These girls have it so easy...the only thing they really worry about is whether or not I am happy"  All these times I keep saying 'I can't wait until they get older' but right now, I am ashamed of myself for even wanting them to enter the real world.  Lilli says "Mommy, I hope I never fall in love...it just seems like a lot of waiting, and heartbreak to me.  Why would anyone do that!" and I know she is just a little girl, but really, she is right.  Love is wonderful too, but sometimes we do just wait.  and we wait and we wait and we wait and before too long we realize, 'what on earth and I waiting for??'  And I guess I am thinking about this because lately my whole world is all about waiting for things to happen that are completely beyond my control...but how do you let that go?  How do you stop yourself from trying to control it??  Why can't it 'just be'??  I guess it is human nature to demand that things go are way and then whine when they don't.  But it isn't really a feeling of things not going my way that I feel right now, more like an endless waiting.  For what, I am not sure.
And I have to say, that anybody who ever chose to do the single parent thing, I mean CHOSE, not doing it because circumstance dictated it, but actually chose to do it...is out of their ever loving mind.  It is hard.  It is lonely.  The gratification is not instant and sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is not there....which brings me full circle.  "I can't wait until they are grown and not so dependent" but I don't really want that.  I feel like I need to be taking care of them...because in turn they take care of me...so logically, when they no longer depend on me...will they still want me?  And the answer the therapists give you is "yes, you are their mother, and a fine one" but really, when they start leading their own lives, they are no longer dependent on anything from me...maybe support and encouragement.  I now know why my father spent so much time with me as an adult..he must have been feeling this feeling I am so afraid of feeling one day.  No sense of self.  without my children...who do I have, who am I??  you know the whole "if you love something set it free.  If it comes back it was and always will be yours....."  but then you get the "if it just sits in your living room, eating your food, messing up your stuff, and using your phone while taking all of your money and never actually behaves like you set it free in the first place.....you either married it or gave birth to it"  lol.    

arrggg...first the psychotic blog, and now the deep in intellectual conversation blog....well....it won't happen again  ;)

Facebook rant???  well Lauren, I am ranting about something that bothers you.  Why do moms feel it necessary to alert the ENTIRE world as to the bowel habits of their young children???  Do I look like I want to know how many times they pooped or how many skittles you gave them????  did I ask???  no, therefore keep that info to yourself. 
Tony Dinozzo....I am feeling you tonight my man.
"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten"   amen to that.  

So...wanna know who the prettiest woman in the ENTIRE world is???  huh huhuhhuh  do ya??  well....the answer is below;

Shania Twain ladies and gentlemen....Shania Twain.  If the gods were to say to me "I will grant you the boon to look like any one person in the world forever..."  I would pick her.  Good lord, I said it once and I am saying it again...it should be illegal to be that freakin' beautiful!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31v6drN99N0
I mean, that says it all.  Right there.  Sheer perfection. 

ok..well...I haven't slept in days and it is doubtful that I will be doing a great job of it tonight...but I am gonna try.  Maybe some bubble bath and hot tea will help   :-*
oíche mhaith mo mhúirnín bán

I need a bigger gun

SO...what happens when you get angry at your ex, drink too much, and then violate a restraining order?????  You get to spend the next 24 hours in jail.  The downside....the person with the restraining order doesn't sleep for the next week.  AND to top it off, the dishwasher is broken and time is spent not playing with your children, but instead, fixing a floor.  And lots of yelling and cursing and crying.  And it is that time of the month.  God I hate weekends with a passion of a thousand burning suns.  If ever there was a time to just say screw it all and run away to someplace where nobody even knows who you are, this would be it. 

I promise the next session will be all cuddles and hugs and sunshine. 

no hablo ingles

No Hablo Ingles.
It is spanish for "I don't speak English" and happens to be the best excuse for getting out of everything and anything.
So, filling out job applications in the south......I am not desperate for a job, I have good work, and it allows me to stay home with Gwendolyn, but I have been looking for something that actually uses my education and maybe has the opportunity for some sort of advancement.  Ok, so back to the rant.  I was CALLED by a few banks and a few Lab Corp groups, and out of the 6 companies/banks that wanted an interview with me, 4 require me to BE BILINGUAL!!  Now, I ask you this.  In the relatively redneck city of Danielsville GA, who the crap requires that I NEED to speak Spanish, AND  when you call ME and ask if I would come in for an interview and then TELL me I need to speak Spanish????  I didn't call you, I didn't apply first....arrggggggg!  >growl<  it makes me so frustrated!  

In other news:   Tony DiNozzo
DiNozzo: We got nothing.
Tobias: I don't like the sound of that.
DiNozzo: [way more enthusiastically] WE GOT NOTHIN'!

there is the injected sarcasm I love soooooo much.  Oh Tony....how we love you.

yes....this describes my mood perfectly  <3

This one however is way yummier to look at.  AND he has a gun....quick, be still my beating heart  ;)  all he is missing is a really sexy English accent..........

Facebook rant????  anybody??  Nobody???   ok, well then I will go.   Teen Mom.  I hate that show with a passion of a thousand burning suns...and I hate that people have to have 5 million status updates about the stupid show.  I have to hide you.  I can't read your status without wanting to gibbs slap you.  I mean it.  I don't care, and I can name about 55 other people who don't care either.  There is nothing interesting about a bunch of 14-16 year old girls who have unprotected sex, get pregnant and have their own tv show simply because they can't take care of themselves much less innocent children.  these girls should not be allowed to have those children.  I know that is extreme, but come on!!!   We are only encouraging teenage girls to have babies!!!!!  it isn't cool.  It is hard!  it is not a gratifying job, well, it isn't when it isn't done right.  I am a single mother, I can tell you at 26, it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life.  that show is horrid.  I would let my daughter watch skinwalkers alone, before I would let her watch that show.  And no, I do not let them watch skinwalkers.  just in case you were curious.

I miss my family.  My brother, my father, my fiance.....I need you guys.  >sigh<  okay, that was my melancholy moment.  I am done. 

My cracked time???  this one is great, if only because I grew up with the ninja turtle....I have a brother who spent about 3 years of his young young life thinking he WAS a ninja turtle...oh good times
http://www.cracked.com/article_18906_7-shockingly-dark-origins-lovable-childrens-characters.html?wa_user1=2&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended
and after reading this, it brings me back to the fairy tale concept.  It is a really good thing that kids don't learn the real stories or the the behind the story stuff until they have children of their own.  seriously....