who's your daddy??

So after literally ALL morning going through paternity tests, I have determined that people are nasty.  I mean, how messed up do you have to be to NOT know who your child's father is?  I understand there are circumstances....however, a woman submitting 4 paternity tests like it was just another day...makes me want to vomit.  And let me tell you how unsatisfying it is.  It isn't like I am curing diseases or making someones life better....all day today I have been in a funk.  Hating women who whore around, and hating men who want to be with that.  I mean, either way it is gross.  What is worse is that in the profiles, 2 of the 4 men were married.  for real????   ugh.  I have been treated horribly, I can't imagine how those women would feel.  But who knows, maybe they are crappy too.  ugh.  yucky yucky yucky.  had to come home and bathe.
And to make matters worse, there is this technician in the lab that is constantly trying to get in my pants.  I mean, he is the kind of guy women buy weapons to guard against.  The last time I was in the lab he used a pick up line on me that should win an award for creepiness!!  and he poked me in the back with a paper towel roll.... I wrote a sexual harassment report up on him, but to be honest I just want to laugh at him.

So, I had a bunch of trouble with the filing of insurance for Lilli's hospital visit.  They want to claim that because I used an Oral Surgeon that the surgery was elective.  WTF???   She literally abscessed and the infection was literally 48 hours away from killing her.  KILLING HER.  She had no choice...so now they want to charge me a bunch of money for the actual surgery.  On the bright side we are home and Lilli is alive and getting better  :}  She woke up this morning miserable and in a ton of pain, but she is doing better now....

i know everybody who reads this already sees my FB and the pictures are just copies, but I loved them and thought they were worthy of a second post  :}

Well, I can tell you that what I didn't miss in the hospital was the damned rooster.  I am so tired of it, and it has only been one night.  I think though that I got so used to waking up every two hours at the hospital that last night was a sleepless and lonely night even though we were at home.  >sigh<  I hate sleeping.  why is it that every time I think of sleeping I automatically think of about 5 other things I could be doing.  laying down, trying to fall asleep is the worst time of day for me.  I hate it.
And you guys will all be so happy to hear that my rooster has a girlfriend!!

yes.....it is frustrating.  If I end up with babies all over the place I am going to scream!!!!!  lol

DiNozzo anybody??
Abby  I dated him last year and things just got a little out of hand.
DiNozzo: Did I mention the restraining order?
Abby  Ok it was lot out of hand.
Gibbs: Why didn't you come to me, Abby?
Abby : Because, Gibbs, I wanted him restrained. Not beaten to a pulp with a baseball bat.

I love it....this is what I was feeling today  ;)
okay...well, that is all I have at the moment.,  Lauren, i am getting my list together...be prepared, hahahaha.  my next blog will make you proud, lol.

what was that??

I was asked "you don't blog much anymore do you?"  and my answer.... 
"I don't blog so much anymore because I am scared of saying the same things over and over and over...I don't have a very interesting life at all baby, and i find myself sort of more sad lately than normal. I don't want to have to make people read that. and really, nobody wants to read about me...there isn't much to me. lol"
and I guess that is the truth really.  I keep thinking, 'my life is so boring!  not to mention that, but I am moody..I don't want everybody to have to sit and listen to me whine about why I am sad or what is upsetting me.  But, I suppose that is what the purpose of a blog is right??  sort of like...a journal?  And if that is the case...I am sad.  and moody.  and disappointed.  but I am also happy.  and needy.  and blessed.  so I guess it evens itself out.

so, he won't leave me alone.  he stays at my house and cockaddoooooooooodledoos all the time, and never at the right time.  in fact, he has yet to cockadoodledoo while the sun is up!!  stupid thing.  I swear I am gonna get him and then I am gonna serve him all nice and fried up.  :}   yummmm.

I ended up talking to immigration today...i am a bit sad because it is such a bad time of year to try and get into the country.  it is supposedly going to take like 4 months  :(  maybe longer.....if I don't have him here by Christmas I am gonna go completely native on somebody and it won't be pretty.  And then the freaking cost of it all.  I mean, we are going to do it because there is no other option for me....but what I wanna know is this; is it so damn expensive because we are also paying for all of the illegals who refuse to do it the legal way????????????  ugh.  but, such is life...we want something bad enough and there will never be anything big enough to get in the way of the goal.  And him and my babies are the most important things in my whole world....so if this is what we have to do, than so be it  :}  I am counting my blessings...he loves me and he is an amazing man.  there are so many women who never find either of those things. 

sooooooooooooooooooo...who has the prettiest babies in the whole universe???  umm, that would be me  <3   
I am just amazed that Lilli is now so willing to actually be IN a picture  :}  
my daddy called again tonight....I find that the more I talk to him, the more I miss him.  I can't believe it is going to be 4 months until I see him, and then only for 3.5 weeks before he is gone for another 6 months.  my poor mother.  Daniel has been gone for 3 months, and that has been hard.  I can't imagine what my mothers life has been like.  she has one of the best men in the entire world, and I guess that is what makes it work you know???

ok, so my Tony quote??  it is gonna be a Marilyn quote, said by Abby in the Halloween episode  ;) 

brilliant  :}

"they're heeeerrrrreeeeeee"

I no kidding have been such a lame person the past few weeks.  Life has been kinda crazy and I haven't been emotionally stable, lol.  BUT I think I am back...maybe...for a little while anyway...  ;)   so, I was skyping with my honey when I hear this massive commotion outside. n Luna and Apollo going Ape sh***t!!   Skype decides to be totally stupid and shut down, but as it did I jumped up and ran to the door.  A stupid arse Jehovah's Witness and his group had OPENED MY GATE!!!  I have signs that read "Beware of Dog"  "Yes, the dog Bites" and still, the little punk decided he is gonna knock on my door anyway.  He got is butt tore up!  by the time I get outside he is in his van and the other two are trying to get Luna to stop barking at the van door and back onto the porch.  Then the little douche has the nerve to ask me why I even own a vicious dog and that I should have her put down!!  I was like,   "dude, this is what she is trained for. she wouldn't have harmed you at all had you not ILLEGALLY opened a gate on my property where she is trained to guard."  and then I dared him to do anything about it.  I was like "that is why I have her, she is for protection, maybe you should learn to read signs."  and then he told me I should have been more compassionate because God would have been compassionate.  I was soooooooooo tempted to let go of Luna.  u.g.h.  I swear, stupid people drive me insane!!!!!!!   

AND I am having to deal with a devil rooster in my yard.  he cockadoodledos at all frickin' times of the night!!  never when he is supposed to.  and this morning he was pecking on the side of my house!!!  Daniel suggested I just let Luna out on it  ;)  which come tomorrow if it is still being Satan the rooster I may let Lu have a go at him.  

 this is the devil rooster.   grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.


Ok....so I am thinking that because I am I guess overly emotional, I am missing Daniel more...and I am feeling really...alone.  I know that doesn't make any sense...but I just want him here.  and on the nights when I can't sleep at all, or on the days when I find myself just staring off into space, I just get so frustrated.  I want to be able to turn around and him be right here.  BUT I got the last bit of immigration stuff filled out today, that is a plus  :}  so hopefully sometime before maybe Halloween he will be here.  If it is longer than that I am seriously gonna beg for money and go see him.  this past 3 months has gone by so slow for me.  Talking about him makes me think of tea...I want a teapot   :}  this one...

lol




So Lilli brought home this thing about a month ago that had "the potato project" written on it.  You were supposed to hang a potato bag in a cool dry dark place for a week and then go and see what it looked like.  Well, needless to say we totally forgot about our potato and I went out there yesterday and discovered that the potato eye had rooted out to over 6 feet long!!!  Gwennie was soooooooooooo excited!  I got pictures  :}

it was the most exciting thing ever.  She has it in the kitchen now...We forgot to tell Jessica about it and when she came home from work and saw it she screamed because she thought it was an albino sneak crawling across the counter!!  lol, talk about inducing labor!  hahaha.  
I am soooo upset!!  I will tell you why.  The store was sold out of cadbury bunnies  :(  below is a picture of the second best display ever.  I guess they will have to do

Bahahahahahahaha, you guys have to see this.  it is my ever so predictable 'cracked' article.  it is hilarious.  http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_83_22-awesome-ways-to-reboot-classic-tv-shows_p26/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fanpage&utm_campaign=new+article&wa_ibsrc=fanpage  I got a kick out of it  :}

>sigh<  I need me some DiNozzo...I have been going through withdrawal.  until I actually buy the seasons I have to rent them..I wasn't impressed with netflix..and the local rental place just closed...ugh.   soooo until then it is hulu  ;)  
Tony's voice: Is that number two or three today?
Abby: If you must know, it's number four.
Tony: You've seen what that stuff does to a chicken bone, right?
Abby: Hey, what doesn't kill you keeps you awake.
Tony: Brought you a present.
Abby: (Takes envelope) And you wonder why you're single. Think it's from our Vic?
Tony: Hoping. How long before we can get a DNA?
Abby: Let's see what A-B-O- typing says first.
Tony: (sees photos on the wall) You redecorating?
Abby: Wanted to brighten up the place.
Tony: You take these?
Abby: Uh-huh.
Tony: A shotgun- shattered backbone?
Abby: Yeah. The middle one's a cross-section of an ice pick to the cerebellum.
Tony: Is that an esophagus?
Abby: Uh-huh. I call it 'Esophagus with Lye Chaser.' The sad end of a Drano drinker.
Tony: You need to get out more, Abby.
Abby: Is that an invite?
 :D  perfect.  I would take that as an invite and totally have me some DiNozzo.  and no Daniel, I do not find him more attractive than you sugarpie

ok...I am gonna leave you with some more pictures...and then try and calm my mind  :}  

yes.....i want a teacup pig.....for real  :D

 

>cough< ... >couuuugghhhhhhhh< ...

So, I know it has been forever since I blogged..but to be completely honest, my life just isn't as interesting as I thought it would be, lol.  SO.....I am sick.  And I am hormonal....AND I am sad (empathetic-ally) my house guest is sad because her hubby left for basic..and she is sad all the time.  it is sad...it makes me sad.....and I hate being sad.  there.  that is all on the subject.  :}
ok, so I am going to put a link on here, that I found funny...and understanding that it came from 'Cracked' you should be advised that it has some bad language and several references to sex...but in this case, that is why the article is funny.  I ran into a very socially awkward man today at the docs office and then read this and had to laugh.  I now have insight into guys that I didn't have before and now understand why they are so uncomfortable in certain situations.  it allllll makes sense.  http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-terrible-situations-socially-awkward-man_p2   I mean, I read this and kept thinking to myself "what on earth would I do if I had to pee in front of strangers????"  I have never even had a baby in front of other people, mine were c-sections, so I got out of losing every ounce of my modesty...I still have it all.  very intact.  And I hate massages, so that one I can't relate too...strangers touching me, doesn't matter how 'hot' he is, doesn't float my boat...unless we have Tony DiNozzo...then I might renegotiate with myself.   hmmmm....speaking of the DiNozzo:
"Tony: You know, considering no one in this room is actually deaf, that's really annoying. (Gibbs signs something to Abby) Hey! That was about me, wasn't it."
 I find this particularly interesting because I am currently watching episodes where they are signing to each other and I am going to teach Daniel how to sign so we can make fun of people in public and nobody know what we are saying.  That sounds like fun doesn't it???   lol

So...my baby is growing up on me  :-/   I am happy about it, it is just bittersweet

Isn't he sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pretty???  he is my baby  <3   Ok, so my girls are growing too  ;-)   Apollo is such a good boy.  

>sigh<  sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetie pie.


I have nothing else of interest to say  :}   except.....I love an Englishman  <3   ok, now I am done  :-*

I am aware of my weight...thank you very much

"ummm...do you have a problem eating??"  me: "excuse me??"  "I said, do you have an eating disorder??"  me: "did you just ask me if I had an eating disorder??"  "I am sorry honey, you just look so thin" me:" hmmm, well you look fat"  "excuse me???"  me"yeah, it isn't nice is it" 

ok, you read that right.  I actually responded with "hmm, well, you look fat"  a low point that I am not proud of.  but really??  you really said I looked like I had an eating disorder.  grrrr.  people really say that out loud anymore?????  You don't just go up to somebody and ask if they have issues eating.  I hope she gets food poisoning.  I mean, it isn't like I looked like this:

ewww.  times 800. 

I am awake...all because of some stupid dream.  Which in turn led to me getting slightly jealous.  This jealousy is completely unfounded and very unnatural for me.  It is actually complete and total made up jealousy.  The sort that makes you feel really stupid...but still jealous.  And it was either blog or make a total idiot of myself.  I chose the lesser of two evils TRUST me.  Me making an idiot out of myself usually takes at least 5 months to get over.
On a totally different note...I don't care how hot Matthew McConaughey may think he looks, he has two really horrible issues.  First one....the man doesn't believe in deodorant.  seriously...he waxes his chest, and runs miles everyday and refuses to wear bloody antiperspirant.  There is not enough alcohol or money on this planet to make me fake desire for a man who is smoother than I am, and stinks like old gym socks.  >gag<  Second, the man went bald for Reign of Fire.  never, under any circumstances (omitting any type of tragic medical illness) is it okay to go bald and act like Matthew McConaughey on Reign of Fire.  The only, and I mean ONLY thing that was wonderful about that movie was that Christian Bale looks smokin' hot.
  see what I mean...barf bag at the ready.

side bar....I am totally into "How I Met Your Mother"  just thought you guys should know that.  It is a train wreck and I have found myself sucked into it.  However, that does not take away from my devotion to the DiNozzo.  I feel the need to clarify...just in case there is any doubt about where my loyalties are.  Point made, moving on....
SOooooooooo....I tried dying my hair brown.  Literally....color would not take.  It completely washed out in the shower, and the only thing accomplished was the absolute wonderful sinfully delicious silkiness that the conditioner in the dye left my hair.  I would sniff my hair. 

gross word of the day:  "Moist"  mercy, I hate that word.  I mean, who says moist??  >shudder< 
I have nothing to do for the next 10 days.  And here is why: I got overzealous and finished a publication that I set out to do in 2 weeks...I finished it in 48 hours.  And now I won't be up for another project until the 2nd.  :/  I guess I could look at this as a vacation...but you don't know me very well if you think I am going to relax.  My body hasn't relaxed since I have a friggin' spinal block when I was knocked out to have a baby c-sectioned out of me.  So, I am going to finish projects that I told people would be done by Christmas.  Now, before you call me ambitious, I should tell you that I mean Christmas...of 2010.  >sigh< 


I do not have a dinozzo quote of the night...I do however leave you with a picture...that says it all  :}

yes...I know.  good morning. 

I must tell you, ladies of the swannery, that I am grateful to you both.  You know why, and I am leaving it at that. 
Soooooo...Englishman...I need you to come home.  ASAP.  and to get completely and totally mushy and very very girly, I have this song stuck in my head:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFtx54oRkBo

I miss my daddy too.  like more than I did when I was a kid.  You think about the times in your life when you need your daddy....and I never imagined as an adult I would feel like I did when I was 8 and he said he was going to miss my birthday.  I know I shouldn't...well, feel this bad about it...but I am the equivalent of an emotionally disturbed toddler and I sometimes just plain can't control myself.  I think some of it is the fact that I have spring break coming up...and the girls 'dna donor' has them for 5 whole days.  nothing I could do about vacation time, so I am super bummed.  And lately...it just seems like when I need somebody the most, it is during the time they are gone and I feel like the universe is trying to teach me to swim by throwing me into the freakin' ocean and yelling at me to tread water or drown...and I just am not that strong yet.  So yes...I miss my daddy...and my fiance...and my brother.  Anywho...emo rant over...back to something about sunshine and roses and feel good stuff  :}
I made the best scones yesterday...they were brilliant and I actually patted myself on the back and brought one to my grandmother who said, upon eating one of them, "where on earth did you buy these???"  that is right...i impressed the original betty crocker.  and it felt wonderfully satisfying  ;)
ugh.  getting glasses next week...like the kind that you wear all the time.  lol.  oh well...anything to make the headaches better.  plus...I wanna learn a new language and I want to finish learning Gaelic.  it would help if I could read what I needed to without getting blindsided by a migraine.   
ok...off to try this little thing the body likes to do sometimes whether I am prepared or not.  Sleep..apparently it is good for the body, or so I am told anyway  ;) 

house guests, and missing my man

So, long time no speak again...I promise I will be better at this!!  Funny thing is, I have sooooooooo much to say, I am just horrible at the whole follow through thing  :D
So, my house guests moved in...and really, other than the girls stuff being in my room, it isn't that much different.  I mean, they are great house guests!  my house is little bitty, but it sort of works.  Gwendolyn LOVES the fact that there is an unborn baby here.  She is constantly touching Jessica's belly and asking where the baby (Markus) is and when will he get here.  It is the cutest thing ever. 
Ok, on another note, one that is tearing me apart.  I now know (well...to some extent) how Daniel must have felt when I was going through the cancer treatments and blood tests and all the worry that you have for someone you can't hold, or touch or smell...my poor baby is having some issues, and I really hope it isn't like an appendicitis...but he has been in SO much pain over the last few days and on really nice pain medication...and finally he is at the doctors today, and I am worried sick.  We have been together for over a year now, and through it all we have only gone 2 nights not talking to each other, and I haven't heard from him in a few days...well, I mean we chat and stuff, but hearing his voice...I really really really hope he is okay.  I don't like the feeling of not having him here with me to worry over...it makes me ill.  I can't imagine what he was going through and never even mentioned to me when I was sick.  if it is anything like this.....oh my cow, how he did this day after day, week after week...I would have caved.  He is the most special man in the whole world.  
ok...before I lose it completely....onto another subject yeah?? yeah.  good idea.

So Jessica (my friend who now lives with me while her hubby is in basic) is a vet tech, and well this lady came in yesterday with this baby squirrel, brand new little thing, and the rescue people couldn't get him until today, so she brought it home last night...he was so freaking cute!!

how freakin cute is he???????!!!!    sweetie pie that he is. 


So I watched the movie The Social Network...it wasn't bad.  AND I have had an off and on again migraine for the last few days....I am ready to pull my hair out.  grrrr.......

DiNozzo anyone???  umm, yes please.  now.   ;)
""(Gibbs walks into the squad room)
Gibbs: Come on, grab your gear. Don't wanna miss the school bus.
Tony: Class trip, boss?
Gibbs: Got a dead petty officer in a high school stairwell. Janitor found him this morning.
Tony: Hmm. (Starts singing) Wheels on the bus go...
Gibbs: (Gibbs joins in) ...round and round, round and round, round and round...""
I don't know why this one appealed to me, I just can't get it out of my head....and find myself everytime I am in the car lately or anytime I see the school bus, this pops into my mind.  lol, now everyone can share it  :}

I did say sunshine :}

So, I had said in a comment from the last blog, that I have been "doing some things that needed doing and losing some friends that needed losing"  and that was sort of an understatement.  I have a new roommate.  One of my really really good friends husband is leaving for basic training in a little over a week, and she is 7 months pregnant....and she was going to be living with his family until he was done and they got stationed somewhere...well that didn't work out for loads of personal reasons and after the largest war since WWII, she was basically felt kicked out.  Me of course lost every ounce of cool I had in me and went native "Amazon Queen Jenni, hear me roar" on every single on of them...and offered her a room in my house.  My house is not very big, so needless to say that the girls will be bunking with me for a few months, and she will get their room until she joins her hubby at his first station.  The part that riles me up??  She is seven months pregnant, and she got treated like absolute crap by people who claim to love her, and she ends up going into preterm labor and is now on restriction because she is having issues..  grrrr, I am not kidding when I said I lost my cool.  They all hate me, but for once in my life, I actually don't care.  Again, I owe a great deal of the 'cool' I have back now to Daniel...because he just plain makes sense to me.  He sees things that I don't...and he has this brilliant way of explaining them to me when I ask his advice.  AND he does it all while sounding incredibly English and very sexy  ;)

Sooooo...Lauren, I found the link, and here it is   http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2011/03/older-men-versus-younger-men-who-should-you-date    and you are right, this actually does apply to you  :}  minus the baby bit, seeing as how you guys aren't there yet  ;)  It is funny just how different two people can be...you and me I mean.  But I think it comes down to finding somebody who loves you dearly and them just making your life so much better. 

Ok, I told Daniel I wanted to live in a hobbit house.  That is not weird by the way.  lol.  It is a completely sane idea, and here is why:  They are beautiful!!  hahaha, that isn't the only reason, but how cool would it be to live in a house that is sooooo full of character and overflowing with beautiful elements?? 

ok, so it may be a little weird, but I find it a wonderful idea!!!!   Ok, here is a pic that isn't so hobbitish, and closer to what i want,

I find this beautiful.  all the rocks and such....it is just plain pretty to me.  I bet Daniel is getting worried though, now, with coming over here and me making him build me a hobbit house  ;)  they are rather English looking though, so he should feel right at home  :-*

AND we come to the best part of the evening...DiNozzo   >insert practiced sigh here< 
Tony: (In response to the guard asking how many trucks they had) Well you have already met Widow Woman (Ziva) and Spider Mike (McGee) here, Rubber Ducky (Ducky) makes it a great big convoy. Park it right there Love Machine (Palmer). We are going to be rocking through the night here Smokey (Guard).
Gibbs: DiNozzo, would rather not.
Tony: East bound and down Snowman (Gibbs) Bandit (Tony) out.


And that is why we love that man.  Because no matter when you are watching, there is guaranteed to be at least 30 minutes of jam-packed DiNozzo-ness.  

A picture for you??  How about this lovely one I found a few weeks back;

this is ....just.so.me.  In every single way.

I have been a bit disappointed with Cracked.  Nothing new and exciting and worth the read lately...until I came across this:  http://www.cracked.com/article_18956_5-scientific-reasons-dark-side-will-always-win.html?wa_user1=4&wa_user2=Movies+%26+TV&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended 
for somebody (me) who has never seen starwars ...well, the parts with Harrison Ford I have, but other than that, yeah..no.  So back on topic, for somebody who has never seen starwars, I LOVE how science proves that the darkside will always win.  It absolutely has nothing to do with The darkside's low moral standings and desire to kill everything.  I mean, that has no bearing what so ever.

I know...forever and a day

Ok, so I haven't been on here in forever....but I have been sorta kinda really stressed about everything that has been going on in my life....and I thought it good that I just needed some time you know?  There is no sense in having eight million blog posts about how upset and sad I am, so, I waited it out.  And guess what??  It isn't bad anymore.  But a good portion of the reason being that I have the most amazing man in the whole wide world and he just sits and listens and waits for me to finish my toddler like tantrum and all of my emotional BS and then he asks "are you done"  and I say "yes" and he says "well good.  how do you feel now"  and I say "much better" and he says "that is brilliant.  I love you baby"   see????  how could you NOT love this man???  
Any how, I was reading a glamour magazine and I came across this "why you should date older men" article, and I am sharing it because I could NOT agree with this woman more!!!!  here it is:

"When I first started dating Alex, I assumed he was my age. He had a baby face, wore jeans with Converse shoes and knew every lyric by The Shins. But during our fifth date, over burgers and beers, he asked sheepishly, “Do you know how old I am?” It turns out he was 41, a whopping 13 years older than me.
My eyes popped that night, but four years later, I’ve realized that this potential deal breaker is actually the biggest blessing of our relationship.
At a basic level, an older man never gets boring. After four decades of life, Alex is a walking encyclopedia. With past boyfriends my age, I knew all of their stories by month three. But Alex always has anecdotes (and bedtime tales) I haven’t heard; plus, he has answers to all my questions, from job advice to how to cook an egg. Older guys already know how to change a tire and give a good back rub. And I can’t think of anything sexier than that James Bond-like knowledge.
But it’s what he doesn’t say that I count as the real blessing. You know those days when you’re cranky and wanting to pick a fight? (For me, that was my entire eighth month of pregnancy.) Alex never takes the bait. He made that mistake with past girlfriends, he tells me, when he was younger and hotheaded. Now he’s mature enough to sit back, keep mum and ride it out.
But perhaps the biggest reason I like dating an older man is the way it makes me feel. No matter how wrinkled I get, I’ll always be 13 years his junior. When he’s 83, I’ll be a wizened 70. But in Alex’s eyes, I’ll still be his hot young wife."

Now the article did have the opposite too, "why you should date younger men"  but that didn't relate to me, at all.  But I thought this was just plain brilliant and RIGHT on the nose.  I mean, aside from his name being Alex and not Daniel, is sounds sooooooooo much like My Daniel  :}

fhdhgjdhafghdjahgjkdhagklhdjhga, so, I still miss my daddy...but I got to talk to him today, so it made my sun shine a little brighter and I needed that today.  AND I feel really sad too, my cousins granddaddy died last night and he just had his first day of basic training yesterday and can't come home  :(   just makes me appreciate my family and all they do for us.  :-*

So, I am gonna go now...perhaps there will be another sunshine and cuddly hugs post later too  ;)

realizations

You know...it is a melancholy feeling you get when you realize that after you have fallen asleep and woken up, everything that happened was all a dream.  I look over to find my two precious children laying in the bed, not in particularly comfortable positions either, and I think to myself, "These girls have it so easy...the only thing they really worry about is whether or not I am happy"  All these times I keep saying 'I can't wait until they get older' but right now, I am ashamed of myself for even wanting them to enter the real world.  Lilli says "Mommy, I hope I never fall in love...it just seems like a lot of waiting, and heartbreak to me.  Why would anyone do that!" and I know she is just a little girl, but really, she is right.  Love is wonderful too, but sometimes we do just wait.  and we wait and we wait and we wait and before too long we realize, 'what on earth and I waiting for??'  And I guess I am thinking about this because lately my whole world is all about waiting for things to happen that are completely beyond my control...but how do you let that go?  How do you stop yourself from trying to control it??  Why can't it 'just be'??  I guess it is human nature to demand that things go are way and then whine when they don't.  But it isn't really a feeling of things not going my way that I feel right now, more like an endless waiting.  For what, I am not sure.
And I have to say, that anybody who ever chose to do the single parent thing, I mean CHOSE, not doing it because circumstance dictated it, but actually chose to do it...is out of their ever loving mind.  It is hard.  It is lonely.  The gratification is not instant and sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is not there....which brings me full circle.  "I can't wait until they are grown and not so dependent" but I don't really want that.  I feel like I need to be taking care of them...because in turn they take care of me...so logically, when they no longer depend on me...will they still want me?  And the answer the therapists give you is "yes, you are their mother, and a fine one" but really, when they start leading their own lives, they are no longer dependent on anything from me...maybe support and encouragement.  I now know why my father spent so much time with me as an adult..he must have been feeling this feeling I am so afraid of feeling one day.  No sense of self.  without my children...who do I have, who am I??  you know the whole "if you love something set it free.  If it comes back it was and always will be yours....."  but then you get the "if it just sits in your living room, eating your food, messing up your stuff, and using your phone while taking all of your money and never actually behaves like you set it free in the first place.....you either married it or gave birth to it"  lol.    

arrggg...first the psychotic blog, and now the deep in intellectual conversation blog....well....it won't happen again  ;)

Facebook rant???  well Lauren, I am ranting about something that bothers you.  Why do moms feel it necessary to alert the ENTIRE world as to the bowel habits of their young children???  Do I look like I want to know how many times they pooped or how many skittles you gave them????  did I ask???  no, therefore keep that info to yourself. 
Tony Dinozzo....I am feeling you tonight my man.
"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten"   amen to that.  

So...wanna know who the prettiest woman in the ENTIRE world is???  huh huhuhhuh  do ya??  well....the answer is below;

Shania Twain ladies and gentlemen....Shania Twain.  If the gods were to say to me "I will grant you the boon to look like any one person in the world forever..."  I would pick her.  Good lord, I said it once and I am saying it again...it should be illegal to be that freakin' beautiful!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31v6drN99N0
I mean, that says it all.  Right there.  Sheer perfection. 

ok..well...I haven't slept in days and it is doubtful that I will be doing a great job of it tonight...but I am gonna try.  Maybe some bubble bath and hot tea will help   :-*
oíche mhaith mo mhúirnín bán

I need a bigger gun

SO...what happens when you get angry at your ex, drink too much, and then violate a restraining order?????  You get to spend the next 24 hours in jail.  The downside....the person with the restraining order doesn't sleep for the next week.  AND to top it off, the dishwasher is broken and time is spent not playing with your children, but instead, fixing a floor.  And lots of yelling and cursing and crying.  And it is that time of the month.  God I hate weekends with a passion of a thousand burning suns.  If ever there was a time to just say screw it all and run away to someplace where nobody even knows who you are, this would be it. 

I promise the next session will be all cuddles and hugs and sunshine. 

no hablo ingles

No Hablo Ingles.
It is spanish for "I don't speak English" and happens to be the best excuse for getting out of everything and anything.
So, filling out job applications in the south......I am not desperate for a job, I have good work, and it allows me to stay home with Gwendolyn, but I have been looking for something that actually uses my education and maybe has the opportunity for some sort of advancement.  Ok, so back to the rant.  I was CALLED by a few banks and a few Lab Corp groups, and out of the 6 companies/banks that wanted an interview with me, 4 require me to BE BILINGUAL!!  Now, I ask you this.  In the relatively redneck city of Danielsville GA, who the crap requires that I NEED to speak Spanish, AND  when you call ME and ask if I would come in for an interview and then TELL me I need to speak Spanish????  I didn't call you, I didn't apply first....arrggggggg!  >growl<  it makes me so frustrated!  

In other news:   Tony DiNozzo
DiNozzo: We got nothing.
Tobias: I don't like the sound of that.
DiNozzo: [way more enthusiastically] WE GOT NOTHIN'!

there is the injected sarcasm I love soooooo much.  Oh Tony....how we love you.

yes....this describes my mood perfectly  <3

This one however is way yummier to look at.  AND he has a gun....quick, be still my beating heart  ;)  all he is missing is a really sexy English accent..........

Facebook rant????  anybody??  Nobody???   ok, well then I will go.   Teen Mom.  I hate that show with a passion of a thousand burning suns...and I hate that people have to have 5 million status updates about the stupid show.  I have to hide you.  I can't read your status without wanting to gibbs slap you.  I mean it.  I don't care, and I can name about 55 other people who don't care either.  There is nothing interesting about a bunch of 14-16 year old girls who have unprotected sex, get pregnant and have their own tv show simply because they can't take care of themselves much less innocent children.  these girls should not be allowed to have those children.  I know that is extreme, but come on!!!   We are only encouraging teenage girls to have babies!!!!!  it isn't cool.  It is hard!  it is not a gratifying job, well, it isn't when it isn't done right.  I am a single mother, I can tell you at 26, it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life.  that show is horrid.  I would let my daughter watch skinwalkers alone, before I would let her watch that show.  And no, I do not let them watch skinwalkers.  just in case you were curious.

I miss my family.  My brother, my father, my fiance.....I need you guys.  >sigh<  okay, that was my melancholy moment.  I am done. 

My cracked time???  this one is great, if only because I grew up with the ninja turtle....I have a brother who spent about 3 years of his young young life thinking he WAS a ninja turtle...oh good times
http://www.cracked.com/article_18906_7-shockingly-dark-origins-lovable-childrens-characters.html?wa_user1=2&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended
and after reading this, it brings me back to the fairy tale concept.  It is a really good thing that kids don't learn the real stories or the the behind the story stuff until they have children of their own.  seriously....

superpowers??? umm...yes please

Ok, so I was watching Fantastic 4, and aside form Jessica Alba being all hot and Ioan Gruffodd being extremely hot....I got to thinking about it.  I would really love to have some super powers.  Like, maybe not any of theirs, I wouldn't mind the whole invisibility/force field thing....I would want powers more like Jean Grey...you know Pheonix from X-men.  Those are the powers I want.  AND she is a red head.  I mean, come on, is that not like the most perfect combo ever???  I could totally go for that!
and while we are on that, read this, it is great!!
http://www.cracked.com/article_19037_7-movies-that-ignored-world-changing-discoveries.html?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fanpage&utm_campaign=new+article

It makes complete and total sense!!  The transformers one is my favorite, so pay extra special close attention to that one  ;)
But in the film, nobody ever mentions the fact that the Decepticons now have access to Terminators, except for an offhand remark by LaBeouf that she tasted like diesel. And though LaBeouf seems willing to trust everyone he sees (including his college roommate, and an actual retired Decepticon) to help him in his quest, the bad guys never see the benefit in perhaps dropping another fake human or two into his merry band of adventurers.
Instead, the giant robots just go straight back to punching each other, and Megatron gets his shit wrecked when the humans bring Optimus Prime to the fight. Good work, buddy -- maybe this is why Starscream keeps trying to steal your job."  
I really really really wish I could be that clever.

do dah...do dah..jenni's got insomnia...all the do dah day...

Welllllllllllll...so this is like day number 1,345,623,245 that I have had insomnia.  I just want Daniel back...like today.  like now...  >sigh<  well, I guess patience is something I am going to have to learn.  I am NOT very good at this patience thing.  it sucks.  that is all there is to it. 

So, Lauren, I have totally decided I am for real going to write a book.....something paranormal..with a dishwater blond and a not-so-red redhead.  I have read a dozen books in the last week...and NOT a ONE has an attractive sounding girl with normal hair.  >sigh<  and especially the paranormal books....what is so wrong with normal hair.  why does it always have to be "Wheat colored hair, so heavy in curls it reached her hips."  or "Glossy jet black hair, the color of gunmetal and so soft it begged touching" or "Fire red hair, to go with her feisty nature, Her hair was so healthy and so full, you had to have your hands in it"  grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...it is lame.  For once I actually want to be that exotic beauty.  To have somebody you love be so enthralled....why the books can't have girls with normal hair more often. 

I have to have a facebook rant now.  Because I can't stand it anymore.  I am only going to say only one thing..and only once.  Why do people (mainly older people) insist that I apologize for being me??  If you don't like it, there is this really wonderful little button there on Face Book...it is called Delete.   And this is where Tony DiNozzo comes into my blog...  
"Ziva: Apologize. Tony: What for? Ziva: For being you.  Tony: Sweetheart, if I had a dollar for every time I did that, I'd be loaded."
and that is that.  I am adopting more of a DiNozzo approach to life   lol.

I am again very much impressed with what people ask me to make for them.....here is a picture of the latest dress I was asked to make...for a wedding. 

yes....that would be a patchwork quilt wedding gown.  I am not certain what I think about it.

ok....I am going to try this sleep thing again.  We shall see.   :-*   
""Nos da fy siwgrau""

....yeah, so a goodnight smooch to yo all   lol

2 words" Anthony DiNozzo

I can't sleep.  Yet again.  I am find it impossible.  shhhhh, don't tell anyone.  I just can't manage to keep my eyes closed for more than about 2 hours before I am waking up and staring at the ceiling for an hour.  I got up, decided I had enough of the bed, moved to the couch...and stared at a different ceiling for 25 minutes. So, I sewed.  Finished that....and then cleaned my sewing machine....The doc suggested I have a drink before bed...but I swear all of the sugar in it just hypes me up.  It is supposed to calm the nerves, I think it doesn't work on me.  I guess if actual meds don't have the desired affect, than alcohol won't either.   >sigh<  I feel like I need to get out of my body.  lol.  I know, stupid thing to say, but I feel like my skin is too tight and I am going to go crazy.  I need a better outlet. 

And my skin is KILLING me.  Had a moment today in the pet store.  There was this adorable little rubber elephant that when you squeezed the belly the trunk blew out and it made a trumpet noise.  I was enthralled by the silly little thing for like 5 minutes.  Mama then tells me it is latex, and literally at that moment everywhere my hand had touched started to burn.  One shot later of epinephrine and about an ounce of hydrocortisone cream later, I am feeling better, but the skin feels so tight I can hardly stand it. 


"Tony DiNozzo: (in an "anchorman" voice) In a tragic story of obsessive hobbying turned deadly, an NCIS Agent was discovered in his basement crushed between a large, homemade boat and an even larger bottle of bourbon. Film at eleven!"

This has been my day.  well.....not exactly a boat and bourbon....more like a sewing machine and...rum.  lol
I am going to start something new.  I have found myself able to (lately) quote Tony for every real life every day matter.  So, a post a day is going to have a wonderful quote from Mr. Perfect.  ...and just so everybody is on the same page...look below;

AND just to add, I think I have a slight addiction.  Like one has to cigarettes, or beer....I feel edgy, or nervous, or anxious if I don't get at least an hour of this man everyday.  So, for your viewing pleasure, here he is  :} 



Soooooo...book quote of the evening??  I am reading J.R.Ward's Lover Eternal....brilliant I might add....and the quote is this;
"Even to a certified hetero, the son of a bitch actually bent the laws of physics, he was so attractive.  Blond hair was cut short in the back and left longer in the front.  Teal-blue eyes were the color of Bahamas seawater.  And the face made Brad Pitt look like a candidate for The Swan"  
don't ask me why that caught my attention, I just love the quote.  I don't particularly picture people when I read books....I know, it is weird, but I don't.  I just like the 'bent the laws of physics he was so attractive'  lol

and lastly....because I am gonna try and take a nap, song on the playlist at the moment?? Mamas and the Papas...Dream a little Dream  <3    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLkCzeeR91c

a shot of self-esteem chased by a shot of self-reliance

So, as of today, I am manless.  My father is in Afghanistan, My brother is in Florida, My fiance in England, and my only cousin who I could count on (manwise) is joining the Army and leaves in less than a week.  seriously if that is not the largest shot of reality I have ever had I don't know what it.  Maybe I would be okay with all of this if every man I loved wasn't over 600 miles from me.  >sigh<  grrrrr.  I am also having some ex issues.  I mean, you would think that years later, he would get over trying to control me and make my life miserable.  BUT, yeah, ummmm...no.  He is still a jerk and now has somebody spying on me.  Thank God for the restraining order and my dog and my .41.  It is all so stupid and just plain irritating. 

So, I got into the J.R.Ward Black Dagger Brotherhood books.....and can we say FABULOUS???????  yeah, addicted.  Not for the lazy reader though, and it is a bit intense with the language and such, but oh my cow, it pulls you right in and just doesn't let you go.  I have been told I may not like the last few books in the series, but I am going to enjoy the first ones and just let the boat float  :-)

I told Daniel there was a saloon here....and I wanted to prove it with this:

...yeah, everything looks a bit used up and run down in the daylight...  but nonetheless, here is a saloon  :}

Ohhhhhhhhhh...and before I forget to mention......It be coyote killing time.  Below is a picture of what was in my yard today...

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.   I wish they would just STAY away.  I mean, I don't mind them really, I just don't want them 100 feet away from where my defenseless children play.  thank God for Luna

dreamy...

You're just far away.  >sigh<   that is how I am feeling today.  Just.....far away.  Although I just read Lauren's blog....and you totally made me smile. 

So, I just finished the last touches on my wedding dress...oh I forgot to tell the story!!  Ok, so the dress that I bought, was beautiful...but went to have it altered, and the lady got it mixed up with another dress and altered it ALL wrong.  totally ruined the dress.,  I was SUPER pissed off...and that was when I decided I wasn't going to have anybody but myself make it.  So, I did.  And I finished it today  <3 

Ok, I know that you may be getting really tired with these links, but I am loving them, and seeing how this is my blog, I am going to share this one  ;}  it is soooooooo good

http://www.cracked.com/article_18960_5-things-tv-writers-apparently-believe-about-smart-people.html?wa_user1=4&wa_user2=Movies+%26+TV&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended

and I guess this appeals to me because I have THOUGHT ABOUT ALL OF THIS EVERY SINGLE TIME I WATCH A SHOW!   :}   again, sorry for the language if it bothers you....just remember I am just sharing, I didn't write it.

wow...been a few days

Well...I know.  for all of my millions (maybe 4...tops) readers..I know you have missed me.  I have been somewhat a grump (wicked witch of the west-type grump) lately..and angry and a bit miserable, so I decided that maybe blogging about it would be a bit much for everyone to handle. SO, instead of making you listen to me b**ch and b**ch about how upset I am with the way 'loved ones' treat those they supposedly love...I am sharing this instead.  it made me laugh like you wouldn't believe and it is sososososo true.  I mean, think about it.....
http://www.cracked.com/article_18881_5-reasons-greatest-movie-villain-ever-good-witch.html?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=Movies+%26+TV&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended


brilliant.

oh and on another note....which I will continue to mention because i can't help myself.  I love the English accent...and here is another reason that the British are just yummy.  (well, none as yummy as my Englishman, but nothing is that great  :)

ok,....so he is Welsh, close enough  ;)

Cancer, Static and immigrating my alien fiance...

So...after 18 months of thinking about what I would feel like on the day that I would be told that the cancer was gone, and that there had been no signs for quite some time... and that I was clean and my blood no longer polluted with cancerous little body stealing demons........I have arrived at that day and honestly it feels NOTHING like what I thought it would.  I suppose you have to take into account everything else that has changed in my life since that day I was told about the cancer in the first place.  You would think that after surviving a horrifically violent marriage, a baby being born 14 weeks early, and deafness....that cancer wouldn't scare me so much.  Being a domestic violence victim was by far the most emotionally devastating, but I did the therapy, I was blessed with a man who is beyond amazing and with him I have started to realize that I don't have to be a victim anymore....my baby was in wonderful hands and some of the brightest and best Neonatal doctors in the south east had her under their spell....and the implants gave me back my hearing.  But you go in for a routine check up and the word 'cancer' is said and it is almost like every single thought in your head flees, and I swear the doctors probably thought I had been struck dumb.  Test after test...procedure after procedure...nothing was working, nothing was changing...and then a year ago I was introduced to a man who I swear is God's gift to the Female Cancer world, and he changed my life.  After 2 procedures he banished the cancer (well...that is the way I have thought about it). At 25 (at the time) being told that Vaginal Cancer was going to steal my hair, and my plumbing, and any trace of femininity I ever had, I was ready to lay down and never get up.  But yesterday I was told that after 12 solid weeks of clean tests results that I was clean.  I can officially claim remission....well, not complete cancer remission, because I do have to continue to go get tested every four months...but for the first time in 18 months I have been able to take a deep breath and feel good about my body.  I mean, try planning a wedding (to a man you first have to have immigrated), battling a crazy psycho ex-husband, and raising 2 toddlers basically by yourself, all while being scared to death of Cancer stealing your life. I feel like this huge weight has been lifted...now all I have to do is tackle a new work out program  ;)

so....I killed yet another microwave.  That makes 4 in the last 6 months.  let's have a recount shall we, of every electrical appliance I have destroyed.  4 microwaves, 6 hairdryers, a stove, a washing machine, 8 lamps, 2 battery operated screw guns, 2 ceiling fans, 1 stereo and a TV.  I am thinking I need to be tested.  while I was pregnant with my first child I killed the Baby Monitor machine!!  They literally grounded me in the hospital because the static was so bad.  Who does that???   what is up me??  I feel like one of those balls that you can pass your hand over and the strobe lights reach out and touch wherever your hand was...what are those things called???

SO....my Englishman and I are almost officially in the immigration system.  Why do they have to make it so complicated for him to come over here??   He is from an friendly country...I am just amazed at how easy it is for people who come here illegally to make it in America and how cheaply they can accomplish it!!  But us??  Um, yeah, no.  Thousands of dollars and an endless list of things that need doing...but God is he worth it.  He is my everything.  So immigration...bring it on.  I am determined to have my Englishman here for good come Summertime.  And this redhead is ready for the battle.   

pardon the language :/

So this totally is worth the read....pardon the crude language at times, but it's great :}


http://www.cracked.com/article_15895_the-5-most-badass-presidents-all-time.html?wa_user1=1&wa_user2=History&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=flashback

I was impressed....and learned that what we need right now to straighten out our government is indeed some Andrew Jackson...just sayin'

Crock Pot Candy

Just as a side note, this turned out soooo good.  it is really really yummy:   here is the recipe:

http://www.justapinch.com/recipe/crock-pot-candy-mr-bud-candy-by-donna-brown-gabbiegirl?sms_ss=facebook&at_xt=4d57592e8e2c16a8%2C0


mmm, it was super yummy  :}

Geeks and Glasses

You know...there is a very very thin line between the very sad geeky man and the overly educated arrogant one.  And I had the very unpleasant fortune to have to spend all morning in a room filled with both ends of this spectrum.  And let me just add that I could kick a certain man in the butt for telling me what guys think about women pretty women in anything that resembles a librarian.  I am no longer naive and I can honestly say that I am NOT interested in being some guys secret ummm...you know what I mean.  and the thing about overly geeky guys is that they rarely get out of the lab (well...in the type of science that I work in, these guys rarely see anybody..ever) and so I spoke at a convention today and I swear I felt like a Luke Skywalker doll at some highball Starwars convention. It was gross.  There have been times I have wished to be stunning, and exotic looking....that traffic stopping kind of beauty....but today, all I wanted to do was shower.  >shiivver<

hmmm

hmmmm...lasagna was brilliant.  who makes it at 9:30 in the morning???  that would be me.  why??  because I was in the mood for it and I was hungry...and my child said she would help me eat it.  So, as we both sat in the kitchen waiting for it to finish cooking (she has just gotten shots from her pediatrician...and I was willing to do whatever to make her feel better) I wondered why on earth can I not just cook because I want to anymore??  why do I have to have an occasion to cook....is my family not enough of a reason to actually make meals anymore??   I had to toss my favorite frying pan last month, and since then I have just NOT been the same.  grrr.  I have yet to tackle fried pork chops since the dying of the pan, and I really really want to.  >sigh<  such silly road blocks we put up for ourselves.  I mean, as I threw the pan in the trash I wanted to lay down on the floor and weep like some emotionally disturbed child. 

In other news : I still hate Valentines Day.  I mean really??  so the candy and flower industry make tons, everybody is encouraged to have sex, which means OB's are gonna be in demand 9 months from now....it is all about industry  ;)  Question of the day??  "Did I buy myself chocolates??"   I refuse to answer.  

Ok, so I have an option for a venue for my wedding.  I wanted the winery that is a few minutes from my house (it is beautiful and very Tuscan feeling) but they wanted an outrageous amount of money just to rent.....but they called and said they would make me a deal.....so now I have to decide if I want it or not....it would be perfect.  I need to talk to the Englishman and get his opinion....but it is an option  :}  And I am thinking that I want my favorite food at the wedding...is it weird to want pasta at your wedding???  like loads of different spaghetti??  And maybe some Chicken Alfredo....hmm, I am gonna go eat another serving of the lasagna  :}

LOVE QUOTE for the day??   
"I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen."